So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
