just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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