last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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