things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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