I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
