he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
