I need help removing her.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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