all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
