Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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