i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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