he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
