so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
