I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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