well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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