I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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