A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you would pick up someone in the library
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
