i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
