Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
