dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
