shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
