so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
