i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
