Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
