I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
