More tranny stories later!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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