Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
