I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Be still, my beating vagina.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
