So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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