Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
