You're so nebulous sometimes
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
