If i come over, it means nothing
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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