and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
