How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
