Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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