I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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