but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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