i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
