i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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