Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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