I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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