he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
