I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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