Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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