i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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