ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
