I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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