I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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