I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
