i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
