Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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