So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As shirtless as possible
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
