It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
