"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
