If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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