why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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