if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
